stops and starts

  I cleaned up her grave today. Most of the flowers had been disposed of by the caretakers already, but our three arrangements, the small container of dahlias and a pot of african violets still remained. Teapot’s dad had suggested we visit, since our dahlias have really taken off in the past couple of weeks. […]

back to the start

My mom is back in the palliative care unit at the hospital again. After days of arguing with her, she finally admitted that no, her pain is not controlled, and now that she can’t walk, it was time to go back into the hospital where hopefully her pain can be managed. Perhaps she’ll be able […]


My mom and I hashed some stuff out a few days ago. Old words, misunderstood. I think I was self-reflecting. Back then, I had enough loathing for myself to fill a bucket, and a few words from my mom were just what the fire needed to burn hot and long. Ten years, maybe longer. Isn’t […]


Things have settled down. My mom is home from the hospital. The doctors say she won’t be here in six months. They cut out as much cancer as they could during the emergency surgery that saved her life, but it’s still there – in her other organs, still growing. We think she is going to […]


Dear Teapot, Can I tell you about your grandmama? She loves you very much. And she loves me very much, too. When you were born, she and grandada came to the hospital with special soup she had made so I would get back on my feet faster. She had knitted you lots of blankets and […]

what it’s like

every couple of days, I think about quitting. what’s that saying? never quit on your worst day? i knew it would be difficult. but i didn’t think it would be this hard. i’ve always gotten by on my hard work, my ability to deal with people and get things done, and my instincts. i didn’t […]


I was all right until the very end. I shed a few tears during the service – one-and-a-half kleenex’s worth. But at the very end, someone let out a wail – a howl of despair – that fractured into broken sobs. It was her mom, paying her final respects before the casket was closed, crying […]