Happy birthday

We miss you. But we’re doing okay. We love you. I brought some kind of healthy breakfast to share. And a couple of pretty leaves for you. The sun was almost shining. We’re having dinner tonight, all of us together. Happy birthday. Advertisements

not the end

Teapot and Teapot’s dad have been sick the past few weeks. And by weeks, I mean almost three. It’s been really hard on all of us. Teapot didn’t sleep through the night at all the whole time she was sick, hacking up gobs and gobs of phlegm and bile and dinner at midnight and not […]

closer to you

On bad days, I think about her body lying in the hospital bed, wrapped up. Her abdomen huge from the tumour. Her skin so pale. My dad’s words catching in his throat when he called me. On good days, I think about baking with her. I bake, and I feel close to her. I remember […]

stops and starts

  I cleaned up her grave today. Most of the flowers had been disposed of by the caretakers already, but our three arrangements, the small container of dahlias and a pot of african violets still remained. Teapot’s dad had suggested we visit, since our dahlias have really taken off in the past couple of weeks. […]

“moving on”

Teapot will transition into daycare next week, and I am in full-on denial. It’ll be good for her, is what I’ve heard from everyone who tries to make me feel better. I suppose I wish it had been my choice. Cancer made the choice for me, and I’m having trouble dealing with that. We’ll bury […]

back to the start

My mom is back in the palliative care unit at the hospital again. After days of arguing with her, she finally admitted that no, her pain is not controlled, and now that she can’t walk, it was time to go back into the hospital where hopefully her pain can be managed. Perhaps she’ll be able […]

mirrors

My mom and I hashed some stuff out a few days ago. Old words, misunderstood. I think I was self-reflecting. Back then, I had enough loathing for myself to fill a bucket, and a few words from my mom were just what the fire needed to burn hot and long. Ten years, maybe longer. Isn’t […]

angry.

Things have settled down. My mom is home from the hospital. The doctors say she won’t be here in six months. They cut out as much cancer as they could during the emergency surgery that saved her life, but it’s still there – in her other organs, still growing. We think she is going to […]